Argh..what a x'mas!

I'm still recovering from lack of sleep and tired legs from standing whole day cooking! I really wish I wasn't back at work today.. but hey, as the phrase goes, c'est la vie! Come to think of it, this is actually the first time in many years, ermm, 5 years, that I did not take the whole week off up to new year. That has sort of been a ritual for me as I only get to clear my leave at year end and use the time to completely relax and get lazy before returning to work in January with vigour and overflowing energy! Maybe next year.

So, on X'mas eve at MiL's, we had home made fresh mushroom soup (this is jamie oliver's recipe which turned out fabulous even after I tweaked it a bit) and piles of toasted garlic baguettes for starters, roasted leg of lamb with a lovely cranberry sauce (credit to nigella lawson-the recipe was fantastic!) & potato & carrot mash for mains and my carrot cake fabuloso for dessert. Everyone loved the lamb but I didn't even try it, not much of a lamb fan, I am. Of course Nia was not forgotten, I made a small portion of mushroom soup for her without all the salt & pepper of course and separated out some mash for her. She LOVED her dinner. She actually finished her soup and was literally nagging me for feeding her too slow! That I consider an achievement for someone who does not want to eat anything! LOL. My baby. So much spunk!

Hubz & i also made 2 trays of bread & butter pudding, 1 for MiL's pastor, who apparently loves the pudding to death ;o) and 1 for us to devour ourselves!

What I'm very sad about is that I have no pix whatsoever of all the food I cooked up in the span of 2 days! I lost my camera - the best part is I know I put the camera in the house, but I can't find it after many times searching for it, I even turned the house upside down several times but it's nowhere to be found! All nia's pictures that I've been taking I've been using my phone camera or my sis' phone camera, hence the quality. Well at least my sis is using a sony ericsson, way better than my VGA cam! :oPPP Just to take a proper picture of Nia with her grandma, we took the two of them to a studio yesterday! One 8R size pic costs RM55! Bloody hell! But Nia will only be 8 mths old this x'mas, by next she'll be almost two and may not even be interested to take pictures with anyone, so!

Anyhoo, I've been eyeing this particular one.. ermmm.. hoping that santa claus who didn't send me anythign for x'mas, btw, will bring this to me on my birthday instead.. which isn't that far off! Yes, that's the exciting part of being a January baby! Right after x'mas and new year partying, there will be another party.. my birthday! LOL. Oh, back to subject, I've shortlisted these two to replace my previous Ixus 430 that I love so dearly. A looker, ain't it?

IXUS 980
RRP: MYR 1459.00


•New DIGIC 4 imaging processor powers several new intelligent features – improved Face Detection technology, Continuous AF Servo, Face Detection Self-timer and Intelligent Contrast Correction
•14.7 megapixel resolution for rich, low-noise images with outstanding clarity. Allows up to A2 size print
•3.7x optical zoom with Optical Image Stabilizer eliminates blur from camera shake
•Manual controls allows you to take charge of your shots
•Face detection AE/AF/FE/WB ensures every face stays focus and ideally exposed
•Motion detection with Hi-ISO Auto technology automatically corrects blur and minimize noise by calculating subject movement and selecting the ideal ISO settings
•Smooth, 30fps VGA movie recording
•2.5” PureColor II LCD for easy viewing and sharing
•Available in 2 colors: silver & black

The black one is SO chic!

IXUS 970IS
RRP:MYR 1499.00

Advanced Face Detection Technology is a complete system that captures perfect people picture.
-Multiple Face Detection
-Face Select and Tracking allows users to prioritize an individual’s face from up to 35 detected faces.
- Face Detection AE/AF/FE/WB .
-Corrects and eliminates Red-Eye on your subject during flash photography and playback.
-Trimming (NEW) lets you zoom in to trim the beautifully captured faces and saved it as a new picture file.
•Hi-ISO Auto with Motion Detection Technology detects if the subject is stationary or moving and automatically adjusts to the optimum ISO levels to compensate.
•New Long Play (LP) Movie function records longer footages with lesser memory consumption.
•Time Lapse Movie function ideal for shooting slow-moving objects.
• Sound recorder offers continuous sound recording of up to 2 hours (depending on the amount of free space in memory card and remaining battery life).
•Reduce the size of the photographs, which you have just taken instantly with the NEW Resize on Playback.
•Enjoy the flexibility of viewing your footages and images upright no matter if you turn your camera horizontally or vertically.
• Special Scene Mode: Portrait, Night Snapshot, Kids & Pets, Indoor, Sunset (NEW), Foliage, Snow, Beach, Fireworks, Aquarium and ISO 3200 (NEW).
• My Colors Mode: Vivid, Neutral, Sepia, Black and White, Positive Firm, Lighter Skin Tone, Darker Skin Tone, Vivid Blue, Vivid Green, Vivid Red & Custom Color**Adjustment of contrast, sharpness, saturation, red, green, blue, and skin tone are available

Oh! I'm so torn between these two.. what am I to do??

X'mas is around the corner!

I'm excited as it will be Nia's first ever X'mas. We even went out to get a X'mas songs collection to listen to on the drive back to Malacca. I wanted a classic collection, and thank God we found this album called "That Christmas Feeling" it has some fabulous originals! There was this other album from Blue Note called Blue Note/Yule Be Boppin', god I'm so in love with that album but I could only get 1 according to hubz, so I got the classic collections instead :o( He bought himself a Nina Simone collection :oP It's alright.. I'll get it next month!

Other than shopping for some music, we also did major damages shopping for Nia's x'mas dresses, at, *gasp* Guess Baby! Oh man, that was quite a burn in the pocket.. not only we got her 2 pretty dresses, hubz also decided to get 2 of his friend's babies x'mas pressies from Guess Baby too.. hence the burn! hahaha On Saturday I hung out with my 2 preggie gfs, one is at 36 wks, the othr at 24, well actually, our whole family hung out, nia, hubz & i, my 36 wk gf & her hubz, my 24 wk gf, her hubz and 4 yo son! wow! I got a glimpse of what it's going to be like in the future, a little scary... especially if your child is a little unruly and shouts instead of talking! hmmmmph. anyways, other than that we had a good time, of course before we called it a day, we (hubz & i) got the 2 of them a little x'mas pressie as well, for the 36 wk, a super cool shirt-like onesie from Gap (couldn't help ourselves, it was 40% off!) and a t-shirt for the bratty boy.

I'm on leave from tomorrow as I need to cook x'mas spread for MiL. She has also requested for my now famous, ahem, bread & butter pudding. Yes, can you believe it, of all the things, they LOVE the simplest stuff! Which is brilliant, coz that particular pudding is easy to make and cheap! I also need to go get a nice fat leg of lamb tonight from Cold Storage and I want to roast it nice & slow using Jamie Oliver's recipe that has been tweaked a little to suit my taste! I can't wait for X'mas!! Glutton glutton glutton. I really need a gym soon. VERY VERY soon.

my very own reindeer..

soon

wrote this sometimes in march/april 2004, the melancholic period of my life after being ditched..

I know I'll forget you

soon enough

just like how I was

thrown out of your life

at the drop of a dime

I'll go to bed tonight

and I won't dream of you

like I used to

I'll wake up tomorrow

and I won't be crying

like I do now

I know I'll get over this

soon enough

I know it'll all be over

by the time I wake up

go on, just keep walking

don't pause

don't turn

you need not see me crying

I know I'll be alright

soon enough

soon as I leave this city

with traces of you & me all over it

I know I'll forget you

soon enough

If I could melt away

I wrote this on 29 November 2005.. a tumultous period in my life..

If I could melt away
Like an ice sculpture in mid day
It’ll be my triumph

As I can’t stand here watching
Her soft cheeks drenching
My heart aches to touch her face
While my fingers curled, frozen

What use is an apology
Would that dry her tears?
If I said something cute
Could I undo her hurt?

If I could set with the sun
And drown in darkness deep
It’ll be my victory

As I can’t pretend
And say I don’t love her
My heart aches to feel her skin
While my fingers frozen, still

Let me evaporate
Like dew drops on a bud
And leave an invisible mark
In her torn little heart

If I could vanish
And never have to return here
That will truly be my victory, my triumph, for sure!

She

a short one - wrote this on 20th February 2006

She
like sylphs of Greek mythos,
whispers through the winds
bequeaths her passion
in contradiction
fiery and clammy
all at once

She
Aphrodite of his dreams
lashed him in with her ardour
fed upon her breasts,
her innocence
fervently, urgently
all at once

Her Feeble Dream

this one i wrote with a dear friend in mind, the only way i could try to feel her pain is by writing it down.. 29 November 2004

Butterflies flutter in her stomach
Cold rush, cavorting heart,
A little eccentricity
She walks on clouds, fly among the stars
In a paradise of all things sweet
With only him & her in it

Oh, how dreams so beautiful
So easily shattered
Her sweet paradise
Now a fantasy
A mockery

Yet another page is turned
Another scar deepened
And she walks on pretending
Or wanting to pretend
Nothing irregular happened

Yes she learns
But yet she yearns
The taste of the forbidden fruit
Lingering on in her mouth
Long after its juice has all been sucked out

Oh, how a dream so virtuous
So blatantly ridiculed
Her naïve innocence
Stripped
Prostituted

Did she learn?
What does she yearn?
While the stale after-taste of the bite remains
Her bosom cringes each time she reminisce
And the man-shaped hollowness in her heart
Inflates..

my valentine

wrote this on 14 Feb 2005 for my then bf, now hubz

let me count all the ways I could love you
I could love you for your small eyes
the way they curve into arcs
with your infectious smile

I could love you for the dimples on your cheeks
the way they deepen
with your ecstatic grin

I could also love you for your luscious lips
the most erotic trait
on your pretty face

But I would rather love you more
for the way you love me so
and the way you make feel
so alive, so real

And I do not need this day
to remind me of what to say
because I could say it everyday
that I love you, I love you, I love you
and I'm here to stay

i want a hippopotamus for x'mas..

that's my fav x'mas song actually (originally sung by gayla peevey who was 10 at the time teh song was recorded). But arrgggghhhhh! i SO hate the fact that I can't listen to yahoolaunch radio from workplace! I miss my x'mas songs!! every year from beginning of december I'll be blasting my yahoo radio playing classic x'mas songs from the likes of ella fitzgerald, frank sinatra, bing crosby just to name a few.. i'm sad!

"Oh, why me God?" continued..

It's true the saying, "you only need to date one bastard in your life" because after that first time, you can tell another one from miles away. But of course, the pain you have to go through, though at that point in time you will NOT be able to see the silver lining in the clouds, once you are out of it, you will be grateful for that experience.

From the experiences I've had, I know these for sure:

1. I will never get into a relationship with the intention to change the other person.
2. My partner will not be able to fulfill my needs, if I did not FIRST communicate those needs. Unless of course, he is Matt Parkman, then all I need to do is think the thought. Heh.
3. I cannot have EVERYTHING my way. I have to give some in order to take some otherwise I should just have a relationship with myself!
4. No one's perfect. He is bound to make mistakes, so will I, I just need to be a little less judgemental and a lot more forgiving.

Having said all that, I have actually stopped whining. I consider myself utterly blessed as I have found the perfect person or it's more like we have found each other. Though it took a couple of years before we decided to get married, I've never doubted my decision. I do not think I will ever live to regret it. I will be lying if I say it's paradise everyday because we all have our peeves, but those are little things without which I guess, it will be pretty boring. So those little spats are necessary to keep the fire burning, you know what I mean?

I know, I know, some say "don't speak too soon", but you know what? To hell with the pessimist! I will say it because I know it in my bones that this man is going to be with me for life, for as long as God wills it.

And another thing, I've not once whined "why me God?". Life is bliss.

"Oh, why me, God?"

I was just reading through one of those annoying slides people send to others just so that they won't have 3 years of bad luck etc.? Well, one of them had an interesting message in it about God and how we mere mortals tend to be ungrateful for all that we have as we focus on the ones that we do not have and whine & whine & whine? It just got me thinking about my past relationships (with humans, not God, mind you) during which time I used to whine & whine & whine, "why me, God?". I think I've learned alot from the 2 long term relationships i've been in; almost 5 yrs with a serial adulterer, 3 yrs+ with a suspicious paranoid, the rest in between were a series of short stays with a low self esteem, thug wannabe from the Bronx of downtown KL (haha), obsessed stalker, a kind hearted person who doesn't speak English and you know, the list goes on.. Sometimes I wondered what the hell was I doing wrong that I tend to attract all the wrong kinds all the time.

Now, on hindsight, I'm SO glad I've met all those characters I did in the past. Heck, I'm even grateful for the 5 torturing years (self inflicted obviously, coz I CHOSE to stay that long!) with the one who can't keep his d**k in his pants. I met him when I was 19, I was completely in love with him as he was a smooth talking sonofabitch, the smoothest you will find on the streets of KL! I stuck around him for that long coz I wanted to make it work by helping him to change. My rationale was if I remain faithful to him despite his cheating ways, I will make him see that my love for him was pure & real and eventually he will grow out of his nasty habits and be faithful to me. Uh hmm. After many incidents of me busting his ass, like, when one of his other gfs show up at his place when I'm there, I sort of, evolved. My reason for staying with him changed, although I stayed nevertheless. The last two years in the relationship all I wanted was revenge. I was just waiting for the time to have him wrapped around my fingers, helpless and gullible, then I'd pay him back. And that's what I did. After all those gfs I helped kick out his apartment, out of his life, even making him call one the girl's mother to tell her that he's not gonna marry the daughter (in front of me, of course), the day finally came. I told him it was over and it drove him nuts. He started calling me at home non stop. Sending me flowers, sending my gf flowers so that she'd help talk me out of my decision (or so he thought), stalking, camping in front of my parent's place waiting for me to come home, even to the extent of slitting his palm! None of that meant jack to me. As far as I knew it, it was over, long over. That was it. That was pay back. That was my victory. That's when I realised that I've transformed from a naive little girl into a cold hearted bitch. Thanks to him. From the bottom of my heart.

I'm grateful too for the experience with the loving, generous old man (no, he wasn't THAT old, only 12 years older than me, so when I met him I was 26 he was 38 - not that bad is it?) who was obsessed with the idea that I was being unfaithful just because I was young & beautiful (ahem) and he was not (huh!). Seriously, he was a good looking man (for a man his age-haha), but he got screwed by two ex-wives, so I reckon that sort of explains the paranoia. Still, his constant accusations & distrusts were very taxing on the relationship. I stayed on coz I honestly thought that we could make it work, that he would over time learn that I'm not at all what he thinks I am, I wanted to prove something (I dont know what) to him and to myself. I think I believed that to be happy you need to be in pain or something similarly sick. Hmmmph.

Anyways, lesson learned:

1. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change the other person. You won't and you can't, the only thing you can do is change yourself because that's within your control. The negative aspect of it is that you may end up "the changed one" and God forbid, for the worse.
2. Never accept anything less than good from a relationship. Why should you? You deserve the best for yourself, so why settle for less?
3. Revenge is SWEEET!! Believe me, nothing lifts your spirit as good as that feeling of success! If I had to, I would do it again!

Duffy- my fav singer for the year 2008

Yes, believe it or not, I have favourite singers that last through the year! I've had Shakira year, Joss Stone year, one massively funky Massive Attack year, and the list goes on.. LOL

Truth is I discovered Duffy on MTV and have been in love with her from the time i heard her song "mercy"! The lyrics here is from my favourite song from her album Rockferry. I don't know, I think I'm a little biased in a sense that I usually have heightened respect for artist/singer who writes their own stuff as compared to those who just sing what others have written, so, u know, I love Duffy more for wringing her heart out in all her songs!!

I'm still figuring out how to upload the music file and if it would breach any copyrights whatsoever, so no music till then..

my traumatic weekend

as always, i was SO looking forward to the long weekend last week to be with baby nia & hubz unfortunately i spent saturday to tuesday in the hospital instead. Nia woke up with mild fever, her temp was 37.8ºC, we decided to take her to the GP and get her checked. She did not have any flu or runny nose just sudden temperature. At the GP's however, her temp dropped a few points, but we still got some liquid paarcetamol in case the temp rises again. So we got home, rolled around, ate, fed her meds, slept for a bit, woke up, went to Cold Storage in 1U to get some groceries and got home. I checked her temp again soon as we got back (which was close to 6pm), her temp was 37.5ºC, my hubz ate first then went to roll around with the baby while i ate. All of a sudden he shouted "she's shivering" and carried her off into the car and started the engine. I ran to the car while my sis opened the gate so that we could back out of the porch.

I plonked in at the back seat and reached to get her from my husband and only then I realised that she was awfully light and her body was hard. I was carrying her in my arms and trying to make eye contact but she seem to be staring into space, I kept calling her name, when suddenly her face turned blue! At this time we were pulling out of the porch and I was screaming uncontrollably "She's turning blue! She's turning blue" (oh God, writing this down is harder than i thought it would be!). My hubz thought she was choking and asked me to check her mouth, I propped her up on my lap and tried to open her mouth but it was clasped shut and her eyes were shut too and her head lolled to one side with her face all blue!

I put her on my thigh and was tapping her back (as I thought she was choking) and all the while crying and wailing, "Stay with me, honey, stay with mummy, you're gonna be alright, you're gonna be alright". I lifted her up from my thigh and she gave one loud sigh and started to cry! And the colour returned to her face! But my God, within that 1 minute I thought I had died, but at the same time I wanted to keep her alive, I felt this pain in my guts that I had not felt before, the whole episode of my labour was running on FastForward in my head and I kept seeing her blue face with the blank eye staring into space. My baby! My precious little baby.

My hubz to dropped me off at accident & emergency entrance to DSH (which is nearer than going from the front) and I ran carrying her into the emergency area and asked, in the midst of tears and suppresed sob, to see a doctor. A medical officer took her to the treatment area, checked her, asked me to describe exactly what happened and diagnosed it as "febrile fits/seizures" caused by high temperature. He suggested that we admit her so that her temp can be monitored and called her paed to inform that we're admitting her. By this time, her temp dropped again to under 38ºC.

It DID NOT accur to me that she was actually having a 'febrile convulsions' or fever related fits/seizure until the doctor said it! I know what it is, I've heard about it a thousand times how when I was 11 months old I've had that same bloody fits and my folks frantically took me to the hospital as mine lasted for some time and I was also foaming in the mouth! But when it happened to my baby, I just wasn't prepared and it just didn't register! The strangest thing is that, from the time I took her temp (37.5ºC) to the time she had the fits it was probably less than half an hour, and within that time, the temp must have risen to a minimum of 39ºC which has caused the fits.

The less-than-4-minutes trip to DSH from our home was an excruciating journey for me. But through all of this, I must say that I now have greater admiration for my hubz who stayed calm throughout the ordeal, otherwise we may not even have gotten to the hospital!

For the benefit all new parents, here is an excerpt on febrile convulsions from www. netdoctor.co.uk. Although sometimes no matter how much knowledge you may have you may just black out at the crucial times, nevertheless, it's no harm to know.

What is a febrile convulsion?
Rapid temperature increases can cause febrile convulsions.
Febrile convulsions occur in young children when there is a rapid increase in their body temperature. It affects up to 1 in 20 children between the ages of one and four but can affect children between six months and about five years old. Children who are at risk may naturally have a lower resistance to febrile convulsion than others.

What is the risk of suffering a febrile convulsion?
Children may inherit the tendency to suffer febrile convulsion from their parents.

• If either parent suffered a febrile convulsion as a child, the risk of the child getting it rises 10 to 20 per cent.
• If both parents and their child have at some point suffered a febrile convulsion, the risk of another child getting it rises 20 to 30 per cent.

Nevertheless, the child's susceptibility also depends on whether the child frequently gets infections. About 4 out of 10 children who have had febrile convulsions will get them again at some stage, although the risk differs greatly from child to child. The child's risk of febrile convulsion rises if:

• they are genetically predisposed to it
• they suffer frequent illnesses, which include high temperatures
• the first attack of febrile convulsion was accompanied by a relatively low body temperature - below 39ºC.

One in a thousand children may suffer a febrile convulsion after receiving the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine. In these cases it occurs 8 to 10 days after the vaccination and is caused by the the measles component of the vaccine. However, this causes only about one tenth of cases of febrile convulsion compared with measles itself. Children who are prone to febrile convulsions should follow the same programme of vaccination as all other children.

What are the symptoms?

• The attack often begins with the child losing consciousness, and shortly afterwards the body, legs and arms go stiff.
• The head is thrown backwards and the legs and arms begins to jerk.
• The skin goes pale and may even turn blue briefly.
• The attack ends after a few minutes and the shaking stops. The child goes limp, and then normal colour and consciousness slowly return.
• Some children regain consciousness faster than others

What to do if your child suffers an attack of febrile convulsion

Do not intervene while the attack is taking place except in the circumstance outlined below.Carefully turn the child's head to one side to prevent choking. In the past, it was common to place a stick in the child's mouth to prevent bites to the tongue or lips. This should never be attempted, as it may result in lasting damage to the teeth.When the fit subsides, keep the child in the recovery position, ie lying on its side. If fits are prolonged or follow each other rapidly, call an ambulance. The first time a child suffers febrile convulsions they should be admitted to hospital. If the child has suffered attacks on earlier occasions, hospitalisation is not always necessary. However, it is always important, for example, to determine whether the convulsions are only due to a harmless viral infection. For this reason, a doctor should always be consulted following an attack.

abhinc..

from here on..

i've been wanting to do this for the longest time, never really caught on the blog fever but i managed to steadily write down my thoughts and perspectives (albeit 2-cents!) in an online journal since many years ago only to abandon that 2 years back. now i have more reasons to do so since my baby came into my life..

i intend to be posting my favourite poems, songs (& lyrics haha) and occasional original poems from, ahem, yours truly..