The Lull Before the Storm

Holy mother of Cows! It's been almost a year! Well alot has happened since my last post..

In a nutshell:

1. I started on a fixed term project with an MNC in August last year, my contract ending Aug this year.
2. We cancelled Canada trip coz we couldn't get Nia to sleep over at my folks w/out me there.. and by the time we tried to get her a Visa it was a little too late. I know DC is pissed, havent heard from him since.
3. Our bunny Marbles died in January this year.
4. My BiL (hubz brother) passed away March this year.
5. I'm expecting No.2 at the end of June this year!
6. Hubz started on a new job January this year and hating it every single day (not the job but the people aspect of it, well some people)

Yes, dramaful times..
What I did not expect was to get preggers again so soon, despite hubz reminders on a daily basis that I'm not THAT young, that I should get it all over & done with as soon as possible. I, on the other hand, at the beginning of the pregnancy, was rid with guilt. That I'm robbing Nia of the attention and undivided love that was there exclusively for her once the new baby comes. Is this common among mums when they get pregnant second, third time around? I initially thought that it was probably a passing phase and I'll get over it, plus also I was still breastfeeding Nia, so I guess I was reluctant and nervous about the fact that I had to wean her off in preparation of latching another one on. How would Nia feel?
Anyways, I continued to breastfeed up to early second trimester, although in between I've tried a couple of methods to wean Nia off (unsuccessfully, of course), until my gynae told me to stop breastfeeding completely as he said since I had early labour scare at 30 weeks with Nia, continuing to breastfeed during pregnancy is not advisable for me, as it may lead to the same thing with this pregnancy. According to him breastfeeding makes your brains produce oxytocin which is the same hormone that helps contract the womb after delivery (hence they say breastfeeding helps you get into shape faster! Yea, right!). If I continue to produce oxytocin throughout my pregnancy, given my past record, it is plausible that I will have an early labour, this time it may not just be a false alarm like the last time!
So that day I went home and had a conversation with Nia. Actually I had conversations with her about it the whole day, that she can no longer breast feed, that she is now a big girl, she was gonna be a che-che soon, she has to drink milk from glass/bottle like the rest of the kids her age. It was SO difficult (for me) that I cried myself to sleep that night, but the same night Nia went to bed after a bottle of formula instead of breast milk. And it has been that way since.
Thank God for that.
I am now 34 weeks.. few more weeks to go before we hold our little girl in our hands.. Yes, it's a girl! Ha ha, so much for all the naming and planning, huh? We do know God will only give us what we deserve, and a girl is an absolute joy.. for now.. let's not think about the teenage years now, shall we? Allow me the next 10 years to prep myself for it..